


The Umbrella Academy: The Lost Mines of Phandelver

by GooeyFanfic



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Dungeons and Dragons AU, Gen, Oneshot, these kids need a break ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26931097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GooeyFanfic/pseuds/GooeyFanfic
Summary: Five was bored and tired, so he decided to “borrow” the necessary supplies to play Dungeons and Dragons, but he can’t just play alone can he?(Inspired by a post by@chocolate-with-raisins)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	The Umbrella Academy: The Lost Mines of Phandelver

**Author's Note:**

> This was also loosely based on my actual DnD party, so if any of y’all read this somehow, I’m sorry for stealing your characters’ names and calling them uncreative. 
> 
> And this does have a fair bit of DnD “jargon” so apologies if it gets a bit confusing.

The Hargreeves really didn’t have much free time. Between stopping apocalypses, solving the mysteries of their asshole father, and in general trying to keep the fabric of reality mostly intact, they hadn’t had much time to themselves. Especially Five. The last three weeks of his life had been, well, a hurricane of emotions. However, finally, all was well. The apocalypse was over, they were no longer in the 60’s, and that whole “sparrow academy” situation had been dealt with.

So what now? Five was a very task oriented person, so he needed something to do. After just two days of nothing, he was starting to feel worse than when he had paradox psychosis. It was maddening. The silence in his room as the others went to “live their lives” and be “productive members of society”. Not like the others didn’t notice him cooped up in his room. They kept telling him to “go out” and that “it was all ok now”. So he gave it a shot.

He put on his uniform, which he was considering replacing with some less...trauma tied clothes, and went out. To do what, he wasn’t very sure. He wandered for hours upon hours, not really doing anything. That’s when he saw it. 

It being a typical game store. It sold all sorts of card games, with wizards and Yu-go-gos? He wasn’t very sure, but what caught his attention was a group sitting a little further back playing a specific game. One he had heard about before. Dungeons and Dragons. 

He very faintly remembers asking his father and his mother for it once. It was his birthday and he wanted to see if he could trade his dinner for it. In fact, he’s pretty sure he saw it under the same circumstances. They were out on a mission and he had glanced over at a novelty shop when he saw it. The people playing it seemed to be having so much fun, he wanted to have that much fun with his siblings, who always seemed to be either moody or training. Obviously his father had told him no and sentenced him to some “extra training” as punishment. Of course Grace could do nothing about it either, just telling him their father wouldn’t let them purchase anything without permission. 

So he decided to buy the game. Maybe, after all they’d...he’d been through, he deserved a little levity. Well, buy is a strong word. Steal is another strong word. He decided to not split hairs on it. He didn’t exactly have any money, and it’s not like his Commission check was coming in the mail anytime soon. He knew the others would berate him for this, but right now he didn’t care. He was instead reading up on how to actually play the game, and boy, was this his kind of game. 

There was the fantastical element, sure, but there was also the Mathematical element. Yeah, the most he would have to do is determine whether an attack roll was higher than an enemies armor class, but he still enjoyed it. It kept his mind occupied. He also realized that he would probably need more than one person to play. And since he was already going to get at least two other of his siblings involved, why not all of them?

Luther was, surprisingly the easiest to convince, second only to Klaus. Luther, seeing it as a good family bonding exercise and Klaus, well, he wasn’t exactly doing much, besides trying to figure out if his cult was still around in any way, shape, or form. Next up was Allison, who did take a little convincing, seeing as she was apparently sorting out some issues with her daughter and her ex-husband, but she promised she would join them. Diego wasn’t really into it, especially after he said the words “Luther” and “Math”, but eventually he caved once Five mentioned the fantastical element of the game and that he would help him find Lila. He still wasn’t sure why he was so obsessed with her, but to each his own, he guessed. That only left Vanya, who had apparently also heard of DnD. In fact, she already knew all of the rules and had several character sheets prepared already. She mentioned something about trying, and failing, to find friends before the whole “apocalypse” situation. 

So he had his players and he would obviously be the Dungeon Master. Aside from Vanya, he wasn’t so sure the rest of his family would take easily to the more mathematical elements of the game, but you couldn’t blame him for trying. So he helped them prepare their character sheets. Luther making a brave and dashing fighter, Diego making a “cool” and mysterious rouge, Allison making a devout cleric, Klaus made a rowdy and, frankly, way too horny bard, and Vanya thankfully picked one of her premade characters, an ancient and powerful sorcerer. 

Now that that was settled, Five moved on to the campaign they’d be playing. He settled on one that was already made, “The Lost Mines of Phandelver”. It was pretty short and was apparently made for new players. 

All that was left was to get into the game.

Five would never say he had an affinity for words, but he thought he fit the role of Dungeon Master well. Describing the world and setting and the characters’ mission. They had apparently all had the same dwarf friend, a miner named Gundren Rockseeker, who called each character up on a favor. They needed to escort a wagon to the titular city of Phandelever. 

He also asked them to set up a matching order, which would be important for the traps laid out ahead and the ambush he was about to spring on them. Luther, obviously decided to drive the wagon, thankfully Diego decided not to contest him on that, and everyone else sat in the back. 

Five asked them to have their characters interact. While he didn’t exactly see the point in this, it was also what it said in the campaign, so he went with it. Surprisingly enough, Klaus’ character was the first to introduce themselves as “Weird” which was a very creative name. Next up was Allison who, being an actress, was able to easily slip into the character she had created, putting on an almost convincing British accent, stating she was “Emilia the high priestess”. Those two characters chatted for a bit, before Luther decided to introduce his character. The warrior “Eryn Graves”, although he had not tried as hard as Allison to stay in character, Five appreciated it. Diego then decided to explain his character. To everyone’s shock, he had developed a very intricate and complex backstory for his character and proceeded to explain it. It was something about an ancient king who took his right to the throne. He ended his character’s backstory, by saying that he doesn’t introduce himself and instead stares blankly “as if not caring about anything in particular”. After that, Vanya’s character decided to break the ice by coolly introducing herself as “Takeda”. All of their characters, except Diego’s, exchanged some dialog before Five uttered the words, “Hey Luther, can you make me a perception check?”

“Perception what now?”, Luther asked.

“Just roll a d20 and add your Wisdom modifier to it.”, Five responded.

Luther gave a quick, “right”, before fumbling with his dice a little bit, successfully rolling a whopping “1”. 

“What does that mean?”, he asked.

“A 1 is a critical failure, Luther. So you really can’t tell that anything is wrong on the trail”, he paused for a moment and then continued, “the wagon stops and as you look down you see two dead horses.” 

Allison and Luther’s characters investigate the corpses. That’s when Five springs his trap.

“As you’re inspecting the horses, four goblins jump at you from the trees! Roll for initiative.”, he smirks to himself a bit. 

They all roll their dice and the order of combat is established. Diego, Goblin 1, Klaus, Allison, Goblin 2, Vanya, Goblin 3, Luther, and Goblin 4.

“So what do we do?”, Diego asks. 

“Anything you want. You can attack the goblins or take cover or run away.”, Five calmly explained, sure that he had gone over this before with them. 

“Oh cool, I throw my dagger at the first goblin.”, he said.

“Right, roll for attack.”

He managed to roll a 16, which was just higher than the goblin’s Armor Class. He also was able to do a fair bit of damage, even though Five thought it to be a tactical disadvantage to lose a weapon during combat. 

It was the first Goblin’s turn now, but Five wanted to go easy on them. He had it move away from Diego’s character, Cyrus. After that Klaus decided to use Vicious Mockery on the second goblin. It failed its wisdom saving throw and Klaus made up some insult based on the goblin’s mother to which everyone gave a small chuckle. 

The rest of the combat went fairly smooth. Allison and Vanya flinged spells, Luther attacked with his blade, Diego realized he could be more efficient by using his sneak attacks, and Klaus made up songs for all his cantrips. Everyone whooped and hollered whenever someone landed a hit on the goblins and, eventually when they were all defeated. 

They all celebrated, until they saw that it was 2 in the morning and decided it was probably best to call it a day and go to bed. Although not before they all chatted a bit about the game. Diego and Luther were discussing ways to make their characters more tactically efficient, choosing certain spells and traits they would take at higher levels, Allison was laughing at some joke Klaus had made in character, and Vanya was asking Five if she could eventually be the Dungeon Master. Apparently she had come up with several campaigns of her own. Five obviously agreed. He had also worked on some character sheets and was not at all expecting to be the only Dungeon Master in the family.

So after that night, the Hargreeves made Dungeons and Dragons a weekly tradition.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much if you read this all the way through!
> 
> Any and all criticism is welcome! 
> 
> Please go check out [@chocolate-with-raisins](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/chocolate-with-raisins/631504326062407680) on tumblr!
> 
> And have a good daymorevenight!


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